A way out.

The best thing about not telling anyone I have created this blog yet is that I get to journal my true situation here and in the now.

For four and a half years I have fought tooth and nail to make my relationship work.  Now, I am trying to keep myself together and not go insane myself.  I made a decision a couple weeks ago that I need to move on from this relationship.  Do I love him? Yes, with every inch of my being. He is never going to make the changes he promised me he would make in the beginning.  A good friend once told me 'believe a man when he tells you something, if he tells you he isn't going to change - he isn't'. Loud and clear I hear that now.
None of my emotions relating to our relationship are going to change anything about our relationship. 
I am now looking for a place to call my own.  I moved out once before and ended up moving back here with him. I am resolute in my decision that we need to cut our ties and go seperate ways at this point. 

 

I am looking for a place to call my own.  It is a secret from most everyone I know because I don't want to fall back on my word and let people down again.  This isn't the place for me any longer. I know that. Love isn't enough if it is all there is. I will find my way. Eventually. 

Think Tank

There isn't a lot of quiet time around my house with my overly energetic dogs.

 

This one being the biggest culprit

So when I need to get some real thinking done I load myself and my laptop into my car and drive a couple blocks down the road to my favorite coffee shop - Bon Vino's

I know I need to cut the coffee out but it is one of the last vices I still cling to with all my might.  So I pay my $2.00 and enjoy my carafe of the yummiest coffee while I ponder just what I am going to do when I grow up.  Then I ponder just exactly when I plan on growing up.  Today, I shared my carafe with an old childhood friend and we came up with a plan. Over the course of the next few weeks we will become roommates and grow up together.  We each have had a rough go the past couple of years and are both getting our lives put together. 

So, once again I am about to close my eyes and jump and keep faith in my God that in his time not mine, as long as I do what is required of me - He will work his mercies into my life and I will make it.  

I am going to make it.  

Wait no more

I have been postponing this blog thing now for .... mmmm .. years.  I didn't want to blog until I had the perfect background with the perfect pictures in the perfect places.  I am not sure why being that I came to terms with the fact that life isn't perfect like a billion years ago.  So here I am...